I Could Be Apathetic, But I Don't Really Care!!!

So I've had no desire to write of late. In point of fact, I've had no desire to do anything. It's actually starting to get a bit worrying, because I really can't get into anything at all. I have a fairly extensive list of hobbies, but I just can't seem to get interested in anything. I love reading, but I've started and given up on about a dozen books. I love movies, but I can't remember the last time I got excited about something, even old favourites. I love playing online games, especially puzzle type or poker, but of late I'm finding I actually turn it off before I solve the puzzle or making wild "all in" bets on a high card 8 because I don't care if I lose. Even reading blogs has lost its spark. Normally I could lose my whole day in front of my computer reading blogs, but I'm just not compelled. It's not you guys, that's for sure. On the odd occasion I have clicked a blog it's been as well written and interesting as I always expect. I just can't seem to be bothered to click the links. I could go on, but it would only bore you.

I looked at my blog today and thought "I can not face not having anything new on this page. I am a writer. It's what I do. For heaven's sake, force yourself to write! You will only break this pattern by forcing yourself to do it!"So I set off looking for a topic. Over the last week I've been reading the "Odd News" which is usually good for something that will get me giggling and set the wheels in motion, but nothing. On the odd occasion I've stumbled across "something that would normally get me "all riled up" I've thought "nah.. It's all been said". It just feels like too much effort to say it again. So I went so far today as to start digging through lists of writing topics. This has actually produced a mildly interesting blog previously, so I thought, maybe... But still nothing sparked my interest.

Finally I thought, "you're so apathetic about everything, apathy is obviously the topic" and set off to look into that.

They say "learn something every day" and what do you know, I did! Here's what Wikipedia has to say about apathy.

Apathy is a psychological term for a state of indifference — where an individual is unresponsive or "indifferent" to aspects of emotional, social, or physical life. Clinical apathy is considered to be at an elevated level, while a moderate level might be considered depression, and an extreme level could be diagnosed as a dissociative disorder. The physical aspect of apathy associated with physical deterioration, muscle loss, and lack of energy is called lethargy — which has many pathological causes as well.

So you see, it's no wonder really. I know very well that I struggle with depression particularly through the winter months. I also know that loss of sensory perception can lead to depression. For the best part of a month I have been fighting a cold which has been robbing me of my senses of smell and taste and culminated last week in a double ear infection which left me with about 90% hearing loss in one ear and about 50% in the other.* So I really shouldn't be surprised to find that I've lost my enthusiasm for just about everything. Actually, I'm not surprised at all. It would take entirely too much energy to be surprised.

Well, to quote Forrest Gump (which seems appropriate, because I'm feeling distinctly like my IQ is somewhere around 75) “That’s all I have to say about that”. Perhaps you've learned something too, and this blog hasn't been a complete waste of cyber-space. As for me, I hope it's at least broken the pattern a little. I'll try to care again tomorrow.Be well!

*Thankfully the antibiotics are starting to work. I got most of my hearing back over the weekend, but I know the infection still isn't gone entirely. I still have 2 days on the course of antibiotics, so fingers crossed I don't have to go back to the doctor again. Getting an appointment there is like trying to get an audience with the pope!